I'm at the end of a three-month test period to see how seriously I can take a career in writing.

Result: not very.

I sent out a few queries, but not nearly enough.  I followed up on most of them and have received no word from anyone.  I sent out a few job applications, for that matter, for writing and editing positions and have likewise been blown off.  So much for Craigslist, of course.

I'm sitting in the back of my favorite local coffee shop for writing, and I've written a dozen blog entries in a dozen Web sites--mainly about my relief over the election and my fury in realizing an acquaintance made a joke of her ballot, frittering away her electoral privilege, and about my surprise at my own vehemence over this--and I intend to work on a short story and the second chapter of my  novel.  Yes, I'm actually returning to my novel; I'm as surprised as anyone.

So the solution will be for me to take up a part-time job and pursue writing while making a nominal income elsewhere.  I have to ask myself, what was I afraid of in the context of a writing career?

1. I was afraid an editor would respond and chew me out for being a talentless hack.
2. I was afraid too much would be expected of me and my failure to fulfill these expectations would be epic.
3. ...No, I guess that's about it.  Two major fears.

I know that thousands of self-help books have been written that deal with these insecurities, in writing as well as in anything else.  The fear of being exposed as a fraud and the fear of letting others down applies all across the board; it is not a plague exclusive to authorship.  And I even have my own responses to each of these concerns:

1. I know I'm skilled, and my support network has been nothing but encouraging.  Friends and college teachers alike have been praiseful and encouraging.  I know I have talent.
2. I'm a far cry from being placed in anything like a crucial position.  I'm a freelance writer at the beginning of my career: no one's going to snatch me off the street and place me in a high-level governmental position where the fate of a nation relies upon my grasp of the restrictive clause.
3. Even if I did have expectations heaped upon me, I have almost always exceeded them.  My military career is exemplary, and writing an article can't compare to being shot at.
   

Despite this, I've been reluctant to freely strew query letters over the publication landscape.  I know other writers can relate to this trepidation, and I know the only remedy is to get off my ass and just do it.  I know all the relevant Machiavellian, deterministic platitudes.  I even believe that if I were to sit next to myself and listen to me mewl and pule like this, I would lash out with physical violence.  I don't think I could tolerate listening to a talented writer hold himself back from even trying to get published at even a basement press or community newsletter.

So... now what?  Knowing all this, what stays my hand?  Assured of the strong wings on my back and the hill of mattresses below me, what prevents me from making this leap?