I love to people watch. Being an only child of small business owners I had plenty of time to either be completely bored out of my head or learn to use what was around me to learn and entertain myself. Most people like going to malls to watch people's behavior, I have a soft spot for laundromats (makes since...mostly grew up around them). I've seen people drive up in new cars to wash one load of laundry, and I've seen a family of four walk a mile to do five loads and sit back to share a Coke. People fascinate me. Which is odd because I'm a true introvert.

In middle school it took me close to a week to make one friend. I hated lunch time because I would have to sit by myself since the people I did know had their own friends to hang out with. So I would rush through lunch so I could... wait in the hall for the bell to ring. Yeah, that was so much better. It wasn't until I noticed another girl doing the same thing every day that something clicked in me and I knew that I had a choice - either suck it up and make a complete fool out of myself, or sit there and be miserable possibly for the rest of my life. So... one day, taking a deep breath, I walked out of the lunch room, across the hall to the clock where the girl was standing, took the spot next to her and... nothing. We stood there for a bit before I said, "Hi." To make matters worse, it took awhile before he turned to me and said, "Hi." Huh... who would have thought... two introverts having a conversation in the middle of a middle school hallway - wow! That conversation started a friendship that lasted so many many years and pulled us both through heartbreaks into our adult years.

Now I'm not saying that one moment cured me. In fact... it was a fluke! A friend of mine from work invited me to his and his family's church and I of course said, "Uh... sure?" So for some strange reason with two kids in tow I went and... almost didn't get out of the car. I waited until I saw his car before even turning the engine off - did I mention I waited half an hour? Much later the subject came up and he said that he couldn't believe that I'm an introvert... that I did so well walking into his church where I didn't know anyone but him. Ah ha! That was the difference... I knew him and his wife - I wasn't alone.

I can get physical ill just thinking about going to new places and meeting new people. Even when I'm going to a family gathering I'm so nervous I have to try to capture the butterflies in my stomach. I've backed away from friend's weddings, family reunions, and yes... even a birthday party or two. Crowds just do me in. So today I have two challenges... one is to go visit with family who's only in town for the morning and going to see U2 tonight. The first is family who I haven't seen in quite awhile and the second... well... c'mon - it's U2 and I've waited over 20 YEARS to see them live!!!

So I guess when we talk about creative people being introverts, its really true... but that doesn't mean we should allow it to hinder our lives. Maybe today will be another step in a cure... or at the very least a balm for this little introvert's soul.

As I stumbled through the house this morning in an effort to get to the office to make the executive decision of coffee or no coffee, I really wasn't expecting to find anything exciting in my email - that'll teach me.

After spending a week making corrections to my manuscript and the last two nights of my deadline staying up into the early morning hours, I was finally able to press 'send' and give it back to my rep at the publisher's. So of course I wasn't expecting to hear anything from them for awhile - that'll teach me.

This morning I opened my email and there it was... my galley for The Rain Song. I couldn't believe it. In fact I sat and stared at the email before I was finally able to figure out that the link I was pressing was as straightforward as I thought and therefore had to remember my login and password. Uh, I did mention this was precoffee... right? So I finally was able to pull it up and... wow! What a thrill to actually see it in printer format!!!

So, as I prepare myself for the rest of the day, I know that even though I have a week to go over it again to make sure the spacing and whatnot is correct, it won't take me that long and could in fact have it done by the end of the week if not the end of today.

Today my wish is this - That everyone is able to fulfill their dream... no matter what it may be.

I just had a wonderful eye opening experience. As you've already read, I was dealing with the corrections my editor wanted me to make and at first I was able to go about it with a purpose in mind and a bit of amused self depreciation at how I had managed to mess up so horribly. Amazing how much that changed in such a short amount of time.

Last night as I was going through the final walk through, making sure everything was 'just so', I began to do what is equivalent to the kiss of death - I was second guessing myself. I have no idea how many times I had to stop my husband and ask to run a sentence by him, or get his opinion about the capitalization of a group even when the editor had marked it as a 'don't do this'. So there I was in the final hours (no joke, literally final hours) of my deadline trying to get the courage up to stand behind my belief that the Guardians in my story was a group, therefore needed to be capitalized. I had google going in search of examples, and my mind was swimming until finally after a serious discussion with Tony I decided to punt.

As I attached the final copy to an email to my rep, I sent her a short note explaining my dilemma and that if I was wrong to let me know and I'd fix it quickly and resend. Now this was at 1:30am, my husband was sound asleep, and all I could think of was 'if that's wrong, then the whole book is too... I'm a hack!'

This morning I woke to find an email waiting for me saying that I was right and sometimes even the editors miss a meaning occasionally. Of course I felt happy, I smiled, I even did my patented 'YES!'... but there was one other thing that I did and it confused my husband - I thanked him.

During this past week as I was trying to get the corrections made, he was the one who did his best to make sure I wasn't distracted (as much as possible with three kids at him, babysitting two grandbabies, a dog, and a small business to run). When I was practically growling at the kids and the dog alike, he understood. And when it came down to the wire, he pulled me through like he always does, helping me to stay on track and not doubt myself or my work.

I hope that everyone has such an island and goes to it every chance you get, you'd be surprised at how good it feels to have someone believe in you so completely even when you yourself are full of self doubt.

Today I got some very frustrating news - my book has been pushed back again. I don't want to think about how many times it's been sidelined for something else (that would make me want to dive into a Pepsi bottle while chowing down on Hershey's bars and Gummy Bears until the cows came home), but I have to admit that the news has seriously bummed me out. What had started out as a 'possible early summer' release date has turned into 'late summer' before sliding into 'fall' to now... 'it looks like we'll hit the printers in November and then release in Feb or March'. This latest disruption being the change in distributors my publisher was using. I've been assured that this is actually a good move for everyone involved, but when I have to answer to people who are asking me when it'll be out so they can get one and I keep changing the answer, I really have to wonder why I bother opening my mouth anymore. How many times can I tell people that it's been pushed back before they start thinking that I'm a fraud of the worst kind? We're inching closer to the year mark that the contract had allowed for and I really hope that I don't have to either find a new publisher or strike out on my own because really, the people I've dealt with so far are great... but this is business and sometimes you have to make the hard choices. So for now I'm sitting back and hoping my faith isn't being misplaced while at the same time bracing myself in case I need to follow my husband's advice. I guess only time will tell what will happen and I should continue working on my other projects while I wait.

As I began to get the remaining sleeping members of the family up and around to start their day, I had an interesting epiphany and not necessarily the good kind. You see my daughter is a huge procrastinator (wonder where she gets that from) especially when it comes to her school work which has gotten a bit worse since she's now doing it all online. So of course as I'm walking down the hall and across the living room to wake up her older brother I called back to her about it to which she groans and I of course laugh... until I had a flash of what it would be like should I ever decide to go back to school. Yep, you guessed it... my daughter will be all over me, 'Mom, you know you need to work on that paper, so no emails/blogging/chatting/tv/phone calls for you.' Really... she's that much of a tyrant for 16! So... now I'm wondering just how long I have before she lowers the boom on me with the whole... 'Mom... you know you need to finish editing Going to California. Don't forget to write more on Michael's Story. Oh... and you know you're supposed to...' Luckily, as long as I don't mention it... she doesn't get bossy... but what if I need a bit of bossy right now to get focused and stay on track? Everyone knows I have trouble staying focused if there's a bit of distraction available - seriously, picture a cat and tin foil... or a puppy and floating dust particles. Yes, I'm serious... it's truly amazing I've gotten any accomplished at all! So, how do I get back to what needs to be done without micromanaging myself (kitchen timers work well enough if I remember to use it). Until I figure it out, I guess I'll have to do what I've been doing - do what I can when I can and hope for the best before that burst of midnight writing takes over again.